I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
