I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just found a bag of teeth...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
