dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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