Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
