Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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