I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
