Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
