You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can text with my tongue
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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