Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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