You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You ruined the universe
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
