I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
