a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
