Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
