I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
