What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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