Are we in a gay sports bar?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
