I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
