I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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