I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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