I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
