Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
