we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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