id be glad to
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
