you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
