If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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