he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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