Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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