he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
