watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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