the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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