You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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