Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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