Quick, to the slutcave!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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