How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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