you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
