the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
