she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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