just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
