I puked a lego.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
