Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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