happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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