I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
