Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
