I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize