You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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