I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
one two three fourrrrnication!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sorry about my life...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
