It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize