I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
