Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
