Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
