508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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