roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I love you.
Bad choice
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