sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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