There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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