Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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