what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
