Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my liver is dry heaving
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
