Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Acid is not a monday night drug
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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