she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
