It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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