I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
