she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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