Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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