I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize