I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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