Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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