you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
