i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
