If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
