they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
