just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
