Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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