so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize