The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
